Submission is a notion that frightens me. To place my focus on thoughts of what it possibly means to submit is to…become dizzy. To fade in and out. To feel lost.
I worked for several years in the active creative field of erotic sensual massage. Many were the requests for my perceived dominance. I refused to entertain nary a word. At the time, peace was my only desire. Or so I thought.
Why would I want to hit someone? Flog him? Spank him? Hurl insults at him? I had no desire to do such things. My sensual service centered on peace and serenity. Or so I thought.
I moved to New York City on July 4th with my rescue dog for to write and find a mate. Peaceful abundant marriage. Or so I thought. I’ve been shown my inner world since I arrived. As awake as it takes for one to be here and survive (a word my ego loathes), I have found my marriage focus to be dizzy. Fading in and out. Feeling lost.
So I have taken stock. Listened to my Yogi tea leaves. They tell me this:
Develop your intuition.
My intuition has screamed for years and years. WRITE. That’s it. Write, and my entire world will right itself. That is all I am asked to do. My contribution to the world. Not in a great writer way. Just for peace. To be solid and sure. To shine bright and continually. To feel found. And I feel this way, surely my husband, my spiritual mirror in love, shall find me.
I write this post not to shame my ignorance nor uphold any morals. Peace is something beyond all comprehension of what I — any human being with an ego — thinks. So instead I submit to my writing. Submission is something I cannot think about too much right now, I must only do. Write.
Submitting to my writing. I feel excited and wonder-filled and energized. Diving into submission is about mutuality. You, my reader, and where we’ll go together. Husband? We’ll talk…I’m writing. So I know you will find me.
I am well aware that the topics I have raised in this post deserve a full flourishing of thought. For you. For me. What I think I know or think I think about sexual submission is not necessarily so. So be it. I’ve begun. I feel more connected to my feelings on submission with this simple post. I am one step closer to my inner mystery. And that’s what I think a blog is for.
All my peace (((MJ)))